HI I’M DAN THE DUNGEON MASTER
"Roll to dissociate" -Me, nearly every session
Hello, my name is Dan Burke and I am an up-and-coming freelance writer and professional game master. My interests include running table top RPG's online, comedy, and not starving to death in the late capitalist hellscape that is out current world. Also, I like dogs.
IN THE BEGINNING...
"I'm gonna go ahead and say that mayonnaise is considered difficult terrain" -Me again, during a game wherein I actually said this with my human mouth
A consummate nerdy creative and "indoor kid", I have been working as a performer, freelance writer, and game master for years. I have over a decade of experience handling clever, horny, chaotic players and herding them in a plot-adjacent direction with a decent amount of success. While this may seem like a Herculean task, years of amateur stand up, improv, freelance writing, and a childhood full of undiagnosed learning disabilities has given me the skills needed to handle such a momentous undertaking.
MY BIZARRE SKILLSET
"You're such a handsome boy." -my grandmother, who is something of an expert in these things.
Pithy quips aside, I am actually very qualified as a dungeon master, freelance writer, and general performer. I studied film and theatre at Sinclair College, and have honed my skills over many years of stand up and improv comedy performed over many years at Wiley's Comedy Club in Dayton, Ohio. I has also been a contributing writer and researcher for the Dayton Ballet, helping them with such projects as Hiding Inside and Dracula: Bloodlines which, in addition to being incredible pieces of art also nets me more than my fair share of goth cred. I am currently the writer, producer, and dungeon master for a D&D podcast called Disasters & Dragons on Spotify, if you want a more tangible example of my work.
SARCASM & INAPPROPRIATE JOKES
Pretty Good
Growing up with ballet dancer parents and undiagnosed ADHD in the American Midwest meant that I either had to develop a sense of humor or a drug addiction. Since I'm cheap as hell, it made more sense for me to haunt open mic nights then shoot up black tar heroin.
MAKING A FOOL OF MYSELF
The Best
I am privileged to be a part of an improv group called the Burnt-Out Carnies, wherein I contribute to our success by bringing guns onstage and derailing our scenes by making terrible portmanteaus like "Cat-rick Stewart" and "Gary Bussy".
"Guys, for the last time, you can't seduce the doorknob."